The Culprit (Part 3): Founding Fathers and/or my Parents

(This marks another edition of my on-going series, "The Culprit", wherein I investigate, uncover, and eventually rightfully bestow proper blame for my lack of fitness on others... because this is America... so it can't be my fault.  Feel free to read Part 1 or Part 2)

Over the past week or so, a new and very powerful culprit has reared its ugly head, threatening my nutrition, health, and utter existence.  The root problem is a particular personality trait... I am still unclear on who exactly is to blame for this trait, but one thing is for certain: It's not my fault.

There a several apt descriptors for this particular idiosyncrasy that I possess... some perhaps pejorative, others slightly more gentle, but this is no place for delicacy: I am what Paul Ryan might call "fiscally responsible".  I am what coupons books call a "wise shopper".  I am what car companies call "economical".  I am what others might call "frugal" or "parsimonious".  I am what my friends might call "a cheap stingy bastard".

More specifically, I like free things.  More to the point for our purposes here... I cannot resist free food.  And when I say "cannot resist", I mean I am completely physically and mentally incapable of passing up free food.  And when I say "passing up", I mean not gorging myself.  Also, it's roughly 35 times worse if the free food item happens to be cookies.  If cookies are involved... all hope is lost.

"It's free!  I'd be an idiot NOT to eat as much as possible.  In fact, I should probably eat it all as fast as possible, just in case at any point it becomes un-free."

I was reminded of this character trait (flaw?) over the past week when I was blessed (cursed?) to be the recipient of a good deal of free food for various unrelated reasons.  It doesn't really matter if it's free donuts at the office or free dinner thanks to a visiting family member... if it's free I'm going to consume food until the situation is socially awkward... and then I'm going to at least double my previous consumption.  Free food supersedes social capital, not to mention self respect and any potential diet goals.

So, why?  Why is it so impossibly irresistible?

That answer is easy: I love freedom.

The question is, who is to blame for this insatiable love of freedom (especially in its food form).  As I see it, there are two potential culprits:

1) The founding fathers (of Amuricka)... Ultimately, they are to blame for inventing freedom before any other country or civilization even ventured a passing thought at the notion.  It must be, in part, due to their influence that I love freedom so much (and thus, freeness so much).  If I had to blame one in particular, I think I'd go with James Madison... mostly because he was a little guy and I could probably beat him up.

2) My parents, who (as you'll see) may or may not harbor communist tendencies, raised me in such a way that I should live within my means, save money, and try to spend it wisely on things that are "needs" not Americaneeds or "wants".  Obviously, this is not the Amurickan way... and I've since thrown off the ridiculous ideologies of my hopelessly outdated upbringing and plan to max out all my credit cards (don't worry, I'll pay the monthly minimum), purchase a(nother) house I can't afford, and buy whatever car is the current sponsor of the NBA... what's that?  oh.  Kia?  Well, then I'll just take whatever car is the biggest so I can complain more than my neighbors about gas prices.

Despite having distanced myself from these fanciful childhood principles, there is a chance that some relic has stood by... and in the category of "food", I cannot be swayed from my love of free...dom/ness.  However, if that is the case... if this particularity is unshakable... at least we can all agree: I am not to blame.

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Training has been going well, save for some troublesome knee issues.  (that might get its own post in the near future).  After a longer run last Saturday, I've just been cycling to try to give my knee a break.  Distance: 5.2mi run on Satday, 26.0mi bike on Sunday, 20.9mi bike on Tuesday, 20.6mi bike on Thursday.  Pretty soon I'll be looking to log that kind of distance in just a single ride, but it's been nice to start a little easy (although Tuesday's bike through the Arboretum was pretty tough...)

Food: C  see above

Magic number: 219 lbs.  Not bad considering the recent diet collapse...

Obvious Truths

Sometimes things are so obvious that they need not be said/written.  Other times, however, they bear repeating... either because of their resounding truthiness (copyright Stephen Colbert), or because you've started a self-defaming blog and you need material.

With that in mind, here are a few truths that are admittedly obvious... yet warrant mention.

1) My "posting frequency" on this webernet-hosted fitness-log (a name I've cleverly shorted to "netslog") has been lackluster lately.  Decidedly lackluster.  In my defense... a) no one really cares, right? and b) I have been busy with stuff and things, etc.

2) Sometimes coming up with a good excuse just seems like too much work.

3) Interval workouts are difficult.

4) I am slow at running.

In regard to item 3 & 4, fun nerd-evidence:



I had my first scheduled interval run on Thursday... Jeff prescribed a 3x3min timed interval workout (I'm supposed to do an interval day once a week).  So I warmed up for 10 minutes, then ran hard for 3 minutes, then a slow jog for 3 minutes, then did that two more times (for a total of 3 times, for those of you keeping score at home... starting to piece together all that crazy "3x3" talk from a couple sentences ago, eh?  Look at you.  So quick.)

The intervals were pretty consistent... and apparently when I "run hard" for 3 minutes, I run at about a 7:30 mile pace.  Roughly fast enough to almost place in the top 20 at your local middle school track meet.  Outstanding.

Also, I ran a 5k at a 8:15 pace... shouldn't my "fast" pace for 3 minutes be better than 7:30?  I mean, I don't know much about much, but it seems like those numbers should be further apart.

Anyway, it bears repeating: interval workouts are difficult and I am slow at running.

But hopefully getting better...

Distance: 3.3 mile run on Tuesday, 3.3 mile interval training run on Thursday

It was a TOUGH week for food.  I'll get to this in another post... but I've exposed a weakness that I've yet to discover an answer for.  We may be on the cusp of another confessional... Food: C-

And this is a heartbreaking first for a Fat Friday... the first RISE in weight.  Ouch.

219.6 lbs

I've sullied my otherwise mildly inspiring and/or embarrassing progress graph:



Dang.  I would have liked to not see a rise there.  But as you'll see in forthcoming posts... it may have been unavoidable...

The Prodigal Bike: A Celebration

My son has returned.

Take the cycle-computer with the cadence monitor and put it on his handlebars.  Bring the best spandex and put it on him.  Install the clip-in pedals where you put your feet.  Kill the leftover clif shots and gu packets... let's go for a ride and celebrate!  My bike was dead and is alive again.

But is it my bike?  Yes it is.  Or is it?

(same components: wheels, tires, crank, derailleurs, pedals, handlebars, brakes, bottom bracket, stem, headset... almost everything)  Just a new frame and fork.  But that makes quite a difference.  Let me introduce you to...

Vincent Black Lightning 1952 (potential alternate names include, but are not limited to: Vince, Vinsanity, 52, Black Lightning, Venom Greenzo, Green Goblin)

I really like the matte black... oh, and owning a bike again.  Also, kudos to you if you know the song reference.  If you don't, google if your friend.

Welcome home to where you belong, son.  No one will hurt you here... oh, except for that one fat guy who is going to pedal you over some of the worst roads in America for the next six months.  Other than that almost constant punishment, should be smooth sailing... nothing like being sawed in half by Cannondale Corp and then heartlessly thrown into a loveless scrap heap.

Anyway, I did take "my Vincent machine" for an inaugural ride on Sunday... to REI of all places.  It seemed only fitting.  Plus I needed new cleats for my cycling shoes.  But seriously, it's a good distance (about 20 miles), and it felt right to pay homage to the source of my cycling joy.

Speaking of cycling joy... I really (really) love riding my bike.  Even the parts I don't like, I like.  There is still just enough left over nostalgia and gratitude that it really is myopically positive and inordinately gratifying. If I were a talented writer who was in any way eloquent, I might attempt to try to "paint a picture with words" to describe what it feels like to be riding again... all the little things: click of gears, spinning up hills, fast starts, grinding into the wind, the glorious feeling of a strong tailwind, racing cars, the sights and smells of spring, the world rushing by yet all the while everything seems so much more noticeable and in-your-face... all the little things that add up to make cycling so great.  But I can't... I can list random things I like... but it doesn't resonate.  I can't make you understand.  The best I can do is implore you to go out and enjoy what little spring we get here in Chicagoland and ride your bike... see the world in a different way.  It's glorious.

What a celebration.

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This post is written as if it's Sunday as part of my "timetravel: I was busy for a week and am now catching up with what day it is" series...

I had a "longer" run in downtown Chicago on Saturday.  Actually had to stop because of knee pain.  Not good times.  But then after a while it was fine and didn't hurt at all running or even later.  Weird.  Distance: 4.3 miles (on Satuday), 5k run and 20.5 mile bike (on Sunday)... good workout weekend... trying to make up for some of the food...

We had a YL retreat this weekend, and I ate a lot of really good food that didn't necessarily equate to being good for me.  Oops.  Food: C+ (this helped me discover a revelation about myself, and uncover another culprit... but that's a subject for another post)

Haven't weight myself because we were gone all weekend.  Worried about the rise.