Day 5: (sorta) Pincher Creek to Waterton

and it was all yellow... well, not all of it. but there was a lot of yellow on the short ride to Waterton NP

After a restful sleep in an almost incomprehensibly luxurious hotel bed (note: it was a normal hotel bed... but everything is relative after 3 consecutive 100+ mile days through the mountains), it was time for a short ride to Waterton National Park. A destination I was *really* looking forward to. I've been anticipating a visit to Waterton ever since I first visited Glacier National Park... and despite subsequent trips to Glacier (an adjoining "International Peace Park") I had never managed to make it to Waterton.  Today was the day.

With only a little over 60 miles to travel (100km for my zero Canadian readers), and the aforementioned sleeping arrangements (which also included NOT sharing a tent with my father) I decided to not wake up early.  

Good decision.

Thankfully, I was still early enough for breakfast.  The free, all-you-can-eat breakfast... with a make your own waffle station.

Just to recap, I could eat as many waffles as I wanted. Toppings abound. All without incurring any additional cost.  Excellent.  The following is a run down of my breakfast:

1 Omelette

6 strips of bacon

2 plate-sized waffles with fruit and syrup

2 English muffins with butter and jam

2 pieces of whole wheat toast with butter

an entire carafe of coffee

a large glass of orange juice.

(and several granola related products for the road) 

In your face Fairfield Inn.

Welp, damage done. Engine fueled. Time to kick the tires and light the fires. Or you know... just slowly pedal in a circle several thousand times over and over.  Off we go!

routine departure photo. sporting the RAGBRAI jersey as a show of solidarity with local agriculture.

bro, these wind gusts are EXTREME!

given the aforementioned gusts... seems only prudent to put these things EVERYWHERE. (they are).

Livingstone High of Lundbreck, AB has a very proud basketball history... perhaps a little TOO proud...

I passed through a very small town called Lundbreck. Really, however small you're imagining the little town center... I promise this was smaller. It's really very small.

Anyway, I was surprised... and more than a little bit impressed... to discover that this little map dot (note: it's too small and probably does not warrant an actual "dot" on a map) of a town has been the home to 10 state provincial basketball champions!  For boys AND girls!  Even more impressive!

... wait a minute.

Are these co-ed championships?  That honestly makes sense, since I can't imagine the Livingstone High School would have more than 5 males enrolled at any one time.

Did they really win *both* boys AND girls in all those years?  Is this one of the most remarkable sports coincidences of all time?  Can we get a 30-for-30 crew up to Alberta to figure how this town of 12 people somehow produced 20 different state provincial championship basketball teams?

Oh, I get it. The sign is just SUPER dishonest. They mean "OR" but instead put "AND".

Do Canadians know the different between "OR" and "AND"... or is that like spelling "favorite" with and unforgivably superfluous "u", and they can just use the "well, it's Canada... it's different here."

What a bunch of jerks.

(also, yes, before this rant I tried to legitimately find out the answers to the above questions. did it used to be co-ed? who are the past champions? I found nothing. way to go internet.)

Speaking of silly Canadians, and signs... here are some of my favourite from the day:

seriously? you need a sign in Canada for the message: "ice is slippery"?

"oooo! let's stop at this roadside turnout!"
"sure, what's there?"
"wait... looks like it's just a trash can. literally, it's just a dump. let's keep going."

the people of Pincher Creek are REALLY excited about their new roundabout.

"Hey, Bob, how can we convey that there's a gun club ahead?"
"Well, you could put an icon of a man shooting a gun."
"Sure, but what if people are still confused?"
"You're right... better put TWO people shooting... just in case."

which side of the bus are they getting off? also, is that lady wearing a dress and carrying a purse?
are people in Canada taking school buses to their MBA programs?

I came across a lot of these. See that weird thing on the left under the bed?  What is it?
Yup... Egg in a cup. Apparently advertising a bread and breakfast?
Quaint? Charming? Ridiculous.

In other news... I might be wearing out my welcome in Canada.

aaaaand buhbye.

This nice guy (forgot his name, but "nice guy" will suffice) caught up with me south of town. He was training for a Gran Fondo (google it), and was out for a "long" ride. I silently judged him, assuring myself that not only was I riding further today, but also every other day of this two week stint... and I was carrying stuff.  We talked for a while, he really was a nice guy.  And then, apparently (and unsurprisingly), he became tired of only traveling at half of his potential speed, we wished each other luck, and he and zoomed off.

I plodded along.

This general store IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE would not give me water.
I just thought everyone should know that.
Also, I hope they're out of business by now. (I'd encourage a boycott, but I can't find it).

Somewhere in Southern Alberta... this is the actual name of a road.
I mean, I'm not sure what else to say (or ask)... but thought it warranted mentioning

While today was a bit shorter, the route wasn't exactly "easy". The headwind was growing stronger throughout the day (I had begun to lose what little patience I had left for having the wind constantly be slowing me down).

There were also a few decent climbs.  Not mountain passes, mind you... but nothing to sneeze at. Unless you're allergic to wheat, or grass... in which case you absolutely would have been sneezing all day.

And then cresting another hill, and around a bend... there it was in the distance... the jagged glacier-carved mountains rising up from the plains... calling to me. Waterton. Almost there.

like a whisper in a soft breeze... "waterton"
(except in this case there was a strong breeze chanting "nah nah nah you'll never make it". cursed headwind)

made it! in your face headwind!
(note: my bike blew over in the first attempt of this photo)

Waterton National Park has a paved bike path that is faaaaabulous.
wait. what's that?

THAT'S A BEAR! 

Note that the iPhone is not known for it's telephoto capabilities. I am FAR too close to this bear for comfort. 

"But Dan," you reassure me "you're on a bike - you can just ride really fast. Adrenaline and all that."

First of all (and I've mentioned this before), I am NOT fast. 

Secondly, bears run 35 miles an hour and climb trees. If that guy wants a large snack, that's it.

Thankfully, he did not chase me down and maul me. And, of course, I took this photo pedaling as fast as I could. I did not stop to take a picture of the bear 40 yards away. That would be a stupid way to die.

Around the next bend I saw another bear.  This one was a grizzly. Much larger. But also much further away. That is two too many bear sighting from bicycle.

Welcome to Waterton National Park! The bears appreciate the mobile snack wagon.

Of course, other than the bears, and the incredible scenery, the highlight of Waterton National Park is the Prince of Wales Hotel.  It really is marvelous.

the Prince of Wales Hotel in the distance...

the Prince of Wales Hotel

Decent view from the dining area (where high tea is served daily)

eponymous Waterton Lake 

Still plenty of time in the day. Dad and I did some exploring around for a bit (he had done more prior to my arrival). I got a hot shower at some place, and then we went to go have lunch on the shoreline of the Lake. Photographed some waterfalls, and some other cool stuff... and it was time to settle down for the night at our campground.

Except I needed to be made aware of one more danger:

Giant Killer Deer.

seriously consider the scale.
that giant killer horse deer will destroy you
and everyone you've ever loved.

Later that night in the campsite...

AHH!!! Giant Killer Deer! He's come to exact vengeance!
oops. nope, just a normal deer. hi deer.

One last event of the day. 

I spilled my (delicious) Chili Mac all over the table at our campsite. I was so terrified by the prospect of attracting bears (reminder: I had seen two in roughly a 10 minute stretch earlier in the day), that I failed to even appreciate how I spilled the food DIRECTLY onto the sign telling me to be careful with food so I don't attract wild animals.

This is bad. I mean, people at campsites (ourselves included) have to filter out used water into separate receptacles. We need to be really careful with food in bear country.

Worst of all... I cleaned it all up as well as I could. So, now, the (again, delicious) smell of Chili Mac will attract bears to our campsite, but there won't be any... and we all know how much bears love Chili Mac. Those bears are gonna be pissed. The courteous thing to do would be at least to leave them a little bit, so it's not such a giant let down. 

crap. this is how people die.

On the next Dan vs Fat... will Dan make it through the night or be killed by a Chili Mac crazed bear?

Spoiler alert: He makes it

... Or does he?

He does.