In creating and (sort of) maintaining this minutiae of
drivel in my own little corner of the blogoworld, I realize that at times I can, to a certain degree,
exhibit a propensity toward self-deprecation… even self-judgment, But that doesn’t mean YOU can judge me. Don’t you dare! Don’t. You.
Dare.
Especially if you’re trying to sell me food… which, aside from your judgmental insinuations, ought to be about as easy as selling a rearview mirror to a hummingbird! (you see… a hummingbird is the only animal that can fly backwards. also, I struggle with similes.)
Perhaps some backstory would be helpful: in July I watched the Tour de France, and they ran commercials for a (relatively) new website called thefeed.com which offers energy food for endurance athletes. Generally speaking, I like this stuff. I used to get it when I worked at REI and bring it along longer bike rides… although now I don’t really bike or run long enough to justify it. Also, I can’t get over how weird it is to eat while running… at least with cycling you’re already sitting down.
Anyway, The Feed also is supporting a 100 mile bike race I’m doing in October to support a cool charity (more on this later), and they had a free water bottle promo… so I figured what the heck. I know I said I can’t justify it like 3 sentences ago, but I’ll buy a box of stuff anyway. #muricka
I got a few gels, a few chews, and a bunch of waffles (not real waffles, but the kind that people eat as energy food)… because they’re awesome. Especially for morning rides (note: REAL waffles are also awesome… but less so while riding a bicycle.)
The parcel arrived promptly, delicious goodies and free water bottle all accounted for… with a nice personalized touch of customer service on the inside of the box…
Especially if you’re trying to sell me food… which, aside from your judgmental insinuations, ought to be about as easy as selling a rearview mirror to a hummingbird! (you see… a hummingbird is the only animal that can fly backwards. also, I struggle with similes.)
Perhaps some backstory would be helpful: in July I watched the Tour de France, and they ran commercials for a (relatively) new website called thefeed.com which offers energy food for endurance athletes. Generally speaking, I like this stuff. I used to get it when I worked at REI and bring it along longer bike rides… although now I don’t really bike or run long enough to justify it. Also, I can’t get over how weird it is to eat while running… at least with cycling you’re already sitting down.
Anyway, The Feed also is supporting a 100 mile bike race I’m doing in October to support a cool charity (more on this later), and they had a free water bottle promo… so I figured what the heck. I know I said I can’t justify it like 3 sentences ago, but I’ll buy a box of stuff anyway. #muricka
I got a few gels, a few chews, and a bunch of waffles (not real waffles, but the kind that people eat as energy food)… because they’re awesome. Especially for morning rides (note: REAL waffles are also awesome… but less so while riding a bicycle.)
The parcel arrived promptly, delicious goodies and free water bottle all accounted for… with a nice personalized touch of customer service on the inside of the box…
 |
| The Goods from The Feed |
Wait… it’s definitely personalized, but was it “nice”?
Who’s invited? Who’s invited?!
Uhhh… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was gonna eat ‘em all myself.
What are you trying to say here? That I ordered more waffles than is reasonable for one person? … because I thought I was showing remarkable restraint. The only thing holding me back from ordering *significantly* more is my incredible stinginess.
Anyway, this sat open for a while on my counter, and every time I looked in that direction, it irked me just a little bit more. Who’s invited.
The Feed was turning into that obnoxious friend at a social gathering who is dropping not-so-subtle hints that you’re a pig. It’s basically a “hey george, the ocean called” situation.
You know that friend, kinda louder, and acts like what (s)he says isn’t offensive, but it sort of is though... They comment and remark on things like:
At a restaurant: “Boy, you really like the salsa, huh?”
yeah, it’s free and it's salsa and I have a pulse. plus they’re just going to bring more after I finish it. why aren’t YOU eating more?
At a party with a good cheese spread: “whoa – look at all that cheese! Ya bringin’ some back for a friend?”
who needs friend with all this cheese. There are only two people at this party: me, and people trying to eat my cheese.
At a family gathering: “hey Dan, isn't that like your fifth piece of pie?”
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know Comrade Commissar had released the new PIE RESTRICTIONS for this season! What’s that? It’s not 1983 in soviet Russia?! Then how about this: PIE IS DELICIOUS AND I’LL EAT AS MUCH AS I LIKE!
Anyway, The Feed… the waffle party will be in my mouth. And no one is invited. Feel free to RSVP for the after-party.
- - -
Who’s invited? Who’s invited?!
Uhhh… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was gonna eat ‘em all myself.
What are you trying to say here? That I ordered more waffles than is reasonable for one person? … because I thought I was showing remarkable restraint. The only thing holding me back from ordering *significantly* more is my incredible stinginess.
Anyway, this sat open for a while on my counter, and every time I looked in that direction, it irked me just a little bit more. Who’s invited.
The Feed was turning into that obnoxious friend at a social gathering who is dropping not-so-subtle hints that you’re a pig. It’s basically a “hey george, the ocean called” situation.
You know that friend, kinda louder, and acts like what (s)he says isn’t offensive, but it sort of is though... They comment and remark on things like:
At a restaurant: “Boy, you really like the salsa, huh?”
yeah, it’s free and it's salsa and I have a pulse. plus they’re just going to bring more after I finish it. why aren’t YOU eating more?
At a party with a good cheese spread: “whoa – look at all that cheese! Ya bringin’ some back for a friend?”
who needs friend with all this cheese. There are only two people at this party: me, and people trying to eat my cheese.
At a family gathering: “hey Dan, isn't that like your fifth piece of pie?”
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know Comrade Commissar had released the new PIE RESTRICTIONS for this season! What’s that? It’s not 1983 in soviet Russia?! Then how about this: PIE IS DELICIOUS AND I’LL EAT AS MUCH AS I LIKE!
Anyway, The Feed… the waffle party will be in my mouth. And no one is invited. Feel free to RSVP for the after-party.
- - -
PS - If anyone from The Feed actually reads this, your website is actually pretty cool. And thanks for helping sponsor the Fatcyclist's 100 Miles of Nowhere. Please feel free to send me free stuff.
PPS - sorry for ending with potty humor.
No comments:
Post a Comment