Plotting Assassination

I recently attended a leadership conference where a distinguished expert on negotiations was giving a presentation that suggested that we essentially have “multiple selves”… and that we’re generally bad at negotiation with others, because we’re bad at negotiating with ourselves. Interesting.

As an object lesson, she gave an example of deciding to not eat a chocolate muffin, only later to convince yourself otherwise. She clearly understands her audience. (I mean, I’d obviously choose the cookie over the muffin but why pick nits). 

Anyway, this isn’t such a brand new concept (my lack of will power) but a new lens through which to see the problem. I am TERRIBLE at negotiating with myself… or, from a different perspective… one side of me is apparently AMAZING at negotiations. And that side loves food. Insatiably.

I give you exhibit A: From this past week, when I was trying to be *really* careful with nutrition because I knew my sub-200 weight goal was within reach. So how did that caution play out when I attended a Cubs game on Tuesday night? After 2 hot dogs (I’m at the ballpark after all), I went for one of these:

maybe a bit bashful... but there's some pride there too

No joke - because of the angle of the camera, that pretzel appears smaller than it actually is. Also, as far comparisons... I have a super huge freak-head. Just trust me, it's bigger than it looks (and it's not like it looks dainty).

Now my love for soft pretzels has been well-documented here, and there’s no better place to enjoy one than the ballpark… but in ADDITION to the hot dogs and beer, maybe a normal sized pretzel would suffice?

Nope, give me the one that could be used as flotation device. 

Also (and this should not surprise you), it was not cheap. I feel self-conscious giving a precise number, but how about this: you could get an entrée at pretty nice seafood place for around the same price. So, I had to eat it all because I didn’t want to waste money. That’s just LOGIC, people. 

But seriously, there’s a problem here. It’s not that I sometimes am just barely unhealthy. It’s that if I go off track even a little, I’m WAY off track. 

In political science terms: I’m either a fascist police state under martial law, or it’s the freakin’ purge around here. I have no middle ground. 

Anyway, so how will I out-maneuver and beat this side of me in a negotiation? Impossible. He is brilliant and inconceivably convincing. More extreme measures must be taken. I will assassinate him. I am going to run him to death. You see, working out is the kryptonite to his superman. 

The last week of July (after the Tour de France was over), I started running more seriously, and it wasn’t feeling as awful as running normally does. So in August, I started a bit of runstreak. First by accident, but then once it was going I wanted to keep it going. After two weeks my shins were feeling a little tight, and I thought the novelty of it wasn’t really worth the potential for injury (it ended up being a pretty big increase in mileage)… so for the first time in 14 days, I didn’t run yesterday. But once I’m in better shape, I think I’d like to go for a pretty long runtsreak. I guess we’ll see. 

 

August... no days off.

Either way, extreme-overfooding-Dan is toast. I will burn him up… and from the ashes… a more moderate middle-ground candidate will arise. Viva la revolución!