Progress

So, here's the thing... I like to make fun of myself on this blog. My eating habits, at times, are still laughable. Literally. But I've also been making steady health-progress since May of this year. I've written about it already in this space... but the progress has continued and I think it's worth pausing, reflecting, and celebrating. (Before going right back to publicly shaming myself.)

The weight loss has continued, and I would say I'm "done" as far as weight being a focus of my fitness. At this point, I'd like to remain steady where I'm at, and shift my focus to strength (still minimal) and speed (improving).

As I continue to improve running speed, I assume I'll shed a few more spare pounds... but that's a byproduct, not a goal. And the weight loss will not be nearly as notable as the past half year: about 55 pounds in a little over 5 months. I haven't written about this extensively, but there's really nothing magical about this weight loss: I bike to work every day, run 6 days a week, and try not to eat everything I see. "Work out and don't be a pig." Simple.

185.8 this weekend

I've only tried to "run for speed" twice... and failed both times. (trying to break a sub 50 minute 10k and a 2 hour half marathon). So I was hesitant to get involved in making speed-related goals, but once I started... it's tough to stop. Running provides such a nice endorphin boost already -- adding "accomplishing goals" to that is nice icing on the cake (even if speed is relative), and I love icing. Plus it requires varying workouts to get faster -- so that keeps things from getting overly monotonous.

Anyway, I set pacing goals for 5k, 10k, and half marathon distances that I was hoping to accomplish first semester (with maybe the half marathon goal falling in early spring)... but then I completed all of them by my birthday - in early fall. Yippee. So I needed to set new goals.

Thus far I've accomplished two of my four active goals (sub-6 minute mile, and sub-21 minute 5k). The two remaining goals are 10k at sub-7 minute pace, and a half marathon at sub-8 minute pace. 

And I've added one more goal: finish a marathon. I'll be running Houston in January (more on that later).

For now, I'm celebrating hitting a PR in my 5k... next time goal is breaking the 20 minute mark. But that's still a ways off. Also, just in case I started to feel good about my "3rd place in my age group" finish today in the This Run's For Jack 5k... I got beat by a 12 year old girl, a 13 year old boy, and three guys in their 50s. Speed is relative.

This fall, I've hit a PR in some sort of distance about once every other week -- which is obviously encouraging. Consistent evidence of improvement is a great motivator, and these little goals along the way have made great signposts en route to killing the fat.

For the curious/nerdy, below are the numbers/dates for my best times. (and no, that is not a typo... prior to this fall there is no record of Dan Nicholas having ever run one mile in less than 7 minutes). It's fun for me to keep in mind that in May I ran a 5k (not really racing but not really holding back) at 31:51... a 10:08 pace. Wow.

PRs:

1 mile:
7:00 (Aug 26 - as first mile of 5k)
6:19 (Sept 24 - as part of a "mile repeat" workout)
5:48 (Oct 7)

5k:
23:56 - 7:51 pace (July 13, 2011)
22:04 - 7:07 pace (Aug 26)
20:49 - 6:38 pace (Oct 19)

10k:
50:43 - 8:11 pace (Aug 21, 2011)
50:27 - 8:07 pace (Sept 13 - as second half of half marathon)
46:55 - 7:34 pace (Sep 20)
45:44 - 7:22 pace (Oct 5)

Half Marathon:
2:09:04 - 9:47 pace (May 20, 2012)
1:49:14 - 8:20 pace (Sep 13)

All the Donuts

This entire post will be devoted to my favorite of all the essential food groups: donuts. It seems apropos to commence with some romantic poetry, and then proceed to indiscriminate and extraneous thoughts regarding this divinely inspired superfood...


An Ode To Donuts

Oh, Donuts, you are dough
Fried and covered with delicious sugar-based flavors
Glazed, Chocolate, Cream-Filled
You're glorious no matter what
Although jelly-filled aren't the best.

What brilliant mind birthed you?
Such a testament to human ingenuity
Circular, Everlasting, You complete me 
Warm, soft, comforting, intoxicating...
I love you.

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Apple Cider Donuts

For the last couple months, I've usually been doing a long run on Saturdays. This takes me through downtown Wheaton, and past the Farmers' Market. The booth closest to the prairie path I run on is always fresh-made apple cider donuts. The transcendence of that smell is well beyond my lexical ability to describe. It is the greatest thing I've ever smelled. And I run by it twice. 

Each and every time I've run past it, I've had the same thought: "I should stop running immediately, and eat ALL of those donuts." 

Then I remember I have no money (I don't run with a wallet), and wonder what I could barter for a donut: "I wonder if the guy working that booth will take this GPS watch in exchange for one of those impossibly delicious smelling donuts."

Ultimately, I just keep running... and while I improve my fitness, a little part of my soul dies from intense sorrow and longing.

Last week, after conveying some of these emotions to my beautiful and wonderful wife, I was getting some work done on our basement when she left and purchased the very same apple cider donuts I had smelled that morning on a cold and rainy run! 

They were hot and delicious and so satisfying that I am still unwilling to rule out some degree of divine intervention during the course of their creation and/or my consumption of them. I love donuts.

the gates of heaven are made of fresh apple cider donuts

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Gourmet Donuts

Sometimes at school people bring in donuts that are from a REAL donut shop. Have you ever had these? I mean, I love Dunkin or Krispy as much as the next guy (that's a lie, I love them WAY more than the next guy), but have you ever had REAL donuts from a REAL donut shop? The difference is like having a REALLY good burger vs McDonald's. No contest. 

Tomorrow, go buy some real donuts.

sometimes just simple "glazed" can't be beat

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The Bacon Long John

One time in Iowa City, I ate a Bacon Maple-Glazed Long John. This was the closest I've ever come to having my entire chest tattooed as the American flag.

my country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty...

- - - - - - - - - -

How many donuts do you think I could eat?

I've wondered about this question for while now. To a degree I'm restrained by the societal norms to which we've grown accustomed. I realize that if someone brings donuts to a meeting, eyebrows start to be raised once I've had 3 or 4... so I should try to keep it to only 5 or 6 to avoid any direct confrontation. (I'm fine with silent judging, I just don't want to have to actually face the imminent shame).

Anyway, without society's silly unwritten rules, I honestly think I would down about a dozen before I even notice. You know that feeling when you've eaten a lot of something, and you think "boy, this is the third gravy boat I've emptied at this meal -- maybe I should take it easy"...? I'm saying that wouldn't even cross my mind til I've finished the first box of donuts. Somewhere between 15 and 20, I think I'd start to consider "hmmm... that's a lot of fried dough and sugar. how are you feeling, stomach?" And then my taste buds would just scream "MOOOOOORRE!!! WE LOVE DONUTS!" and drown out whatever response was forthcoming. So I'd just keep eating.

Around the end of the second box, I bet I'd start feeling a bit sluggish... and potentially not super great. This would depend on how much coffee I'd have along with the donuts, but I'm guessing I start to slow down around the two dozen mark. At that point, I think it's no longer for pleasure -- it's a bit uncomfortable, and the answer begins to depend on the purpose of the question.

If the question behind the question is "how many donuts would I eat, uninhibited?" I think the answer is close to two dozen. If the question is "how many donuts COULD I eat (if I was pushing it)?" I think the answer is quite a bit more. I bet I'd eat another box... so I'm going to answer "pretty close to 3 dozen".

For those of you thinking I'm exaggerating... I'm not quite certain you are aware of what you're dealing with here. This, essentially, is my super power. And if you're thinking of mocking me for my predilection toward the greatest food ever created -- I am impervious to your shallow criticism. People always fear what they do not understand.

(for purposes of the above estimates, I am assuming simple glazed dunkin donuts, unlimited coffee, and a relatively loose time limit of "a morning")

The Culprit (Part 4): Generosity

(This marks another edition of my on-going series, “The Culprit”, wherein I investigate, uncover, and eventually rightfully bestow proper blame for my lack of fitness on others… because this is America… so it can’t be my fault.  Feel free to read Part 1,  Part 2, or Part 3)

It's been a while since my Culprit post... but that's not to say I haven't been properly shifting blame to those rightfully responsible for my nutritional and athletic demise -- it just hasn't been done quite as publicly.

In this installment, I'd like to finally bring to light (and eventually bring to justice) a particular assemblage of people who have been getting away with this sort of odious behavior far too long: the generous.

That's right. Generous people have been bringing me down for years! And I'm not going to stand for it! Worse than their callous "generosity" is the insidious perception of innocence it conveys. Well, I know what you're really up to, you givers of gifts: trying to hold me back from reaching my potential as a slightly-below-average-middle-aged athlete. 

Let me explain... normally it looks like this: I'm going about my day, minding my own business, and then nice people give me things.

It's the worst.

As you're well aware from the 3rd edition of the Culprit, I am terrible at resisting food in general and free food in particular. Many of the gifts I receive either include food or ARE food. While these food-gifts ("fifts" or "foofts") take many forms, the most perfidious version merits its own special attention here: food-gifts left in the teachers' lounge.

You may or may not be aware that I am a teacher - certainly a job replete with myriad rewards and challenges. Some people (naive simpletons) would have you believe that one of the "rewards" is the constant showering of gifts - especially food-gifts - that teachers receive. For instance, every Friday at my school a family supplies "teacher appreciate treats" and leaves all manner of foodstuffs to be consumed in the teachers' lounge. 

Cold-blooded.

And it's not just Fridays. Leftover lunch food? Leave it in the teachers' lounge. Leftover pizza? Teachers' lounge. Leftover panera lunch from a meeting? Leftover baked goods from a morning meeting? Leftover dessert from any function whatsoever? Teachers' lounge. 

Add to that the Friday treats, and little "extras" such as donuts to celebrate the first week of school (yes, seriously) and the picture is becoming clear: The teachers' lounge is a smorgasbord of nutritional imprudence. For someone who can barely resist food at all... and essentially canNOT resist free food, this is where the "generous" have defeated me.

The teachers' lounge is like the elephant graveyard from the Lion King... an elephant graveyard for my aspirations and accomplishments.

the teacehers' lounge... where my dignity goes to die.

And just like young Simba... I know not to go. But I can't help myself. 

"I need to run to the main office - I'll just swing through the teachers' lounge."
"I should fill up on some water/coffee - just a quick stop in the teachers' lounge."
"Time to head over to chapel - I'll take the long route... through the teachers' lounge."

This is a cry for help. I can't avoid that place. The free food calls to me like a beautiful siren song... and the consequences are disastrous. 

"Oh look, some generous person brought candy corn! I know it's essentially unflavored high fructose corn syrup and that I'm trying to be healthy... but I'll just have a 5 or 6 handfuls." 

[45 minutes later]

"Hmmmmm I wonder if there is any of that candy corn left in the lounge. I'll just stop by and see if... oooo! CAKE!"

But here's the thing. This isn't *MY* fault. You already know I have no discipline or restraint, and it's certainly not my responsibility to develop self-control. That's preposterous. It's your responsibility to stop providing me with such calamitous potential consequences.

That's right. I see through your plans, "generous" people. Now if only I had the will-power to do anything about it...